Excerpted from the book, The Secret of the Yoga Sutra, by Pandit Rajmani Tigunait, Ph.D.
I grew up steeped in the ideals of the sages. I revered Buddha and Mahatma Gandhi, and was certain I had no animosity and no enemies. But this conviction was shattered early one morning when a gang of bullies knocked me down and threw me into a compost pit. The bullies – my distant uncles – were trying to get a disputed piece of land by terrorizing my family. Enraged and shouting at the top of my lungs, I climbed out only to be thrown back in. Very quickly, the people from the village formed a ring around my uncles and me. These were our neighbors – my friends and friends of my family – so when no one came forward to protect me, let alone defend justice, I was overcome by a torrent of anger and sadness. Everyone seemed like my enemy. All I could think of was to destroy everything and everyone, even myself. At this point, my uncles picked me up and hurled me into the pit again.
With this, something shifted. Lying in the bottom of the pit, I thought, “What is preventing them from beating me and killing me? Who’s protecting me form serious injury?” I saw myself – a lonely and helpless fellow hoping for others to protect me. I saw the feeling of animosity inside me and the enemies outside. I saw the element of fear, as well as its source. I saw my mind drowning in sorrow.
Yet right next to my afflicted mind, I saw a luminous being and instantly recognized it as (my own) essence – my inner self. It is the Divinity in me. I looked at my mind through the eyes of this Divinity and found it as pure and bright as the Divinity itself. I was overcome by joy, and my fear and feelings of animosity vanished. I did not need anyone or anything to protect me. I was not lonely, for I was embraced by the luminous Divinity who spontaneously emitted the light of discernment and profound joy.
I climbed out of the pit. My uncles were still loudly claiming the land, but the crowd was now condemning the violence. I could clearly see and hear everything happening around me, but my mind was pulled inward, trying to assimilate the experience I’d just had. I was thrilled to realize I had found a new mind. With this new mind, I saw a beautiful world, and I also saw it was contaminated by fear and greed. More or less everyone was afflicted by pain. To be born as a human was clearly a gift, yet people didn’t seem to know what to do with this gift. A thought swept my being – I must not let this divine gift go in vain. The world run by fear, doubt and the desire for power and possessions is trivial. Even the biggest achievements are smaller than the life force. My job is to tend this gift and watch it blossom. I can do it and I must do it.
As the months went by, the intensity of the experience and the clarity and confidence it engendered faded. I was back in the same chaotic, unfriendly world, but what bothered me most was my own restless mind. My mother offered a solution – have faith in God and worship him with rituals, as she did. My father told me to recite scriptures. The teachers at my Sanskrit school advised me to meditate on a mantra. I did all these things, but my list of complaints kept growing.
Five years passed. I had recently met Swami Sadananda, a master who embodied the austerity and wisdom of the ancient sages. In his company, I had found some solace, yet I was still haunted by fear and doubt. I told Swami Sadananda about my experience in the compost pit and asked him to guide me to that experience again. He gave me a mantra, and I undertook a long and intense practice of that mantra. I completed the practice, but was utterly disappointed. I had not gotten even a glimpse of the experience that had once infused me with inner clarity and love for life.
When I shared my disappointment with Swami Sadananda, he said, “The experience you had in the compost pit was a blessing. You were in the full embrace of the Divinity. You received her protection and guidance. Enlightened by her light, you saw your whole being, and you saw both the light and the darkness that had enveloped your inner and outer worlds. You saw life’s purpose and realized you had all the tools and means to achieve it. But because the Divinity did not have five heads or a long trunk or ten arms and was not riding on a bull or a lion or sitting on a throne, you did not truly value it. Attachment to the notion of a god outside you is a curse. You must overcome it. Rediscover your luminous self and embrace it wholeheartedly.”
With this, he expounded on the concept of God as described in Yoga Sutra 1:23-1:29. His explanation of God was deeply reassuring, but it was only after he taught me the practice of meditation described in Sutra 1:36 that I understood the true source of sorrow.
We have all experienced physical and emotional pain and know how to manage it, at least to some extent. But we do not know the nature and the source of our most fundamental pain – the pain of loneliness. The feeling of being isolated, abandoned and unloved is pain, and the world offers no remedy. This deeply rooted pain manifests as fear and doubt. Most of us are afraid of losing what we have and anxious about what the future may bring. This feeling of disempowerment breeds anger and sense of hopelessness, and only a few of us conquer it.
As time passed and my study and practice matured, I came to experience vividly what I had been taught to believe: each of us is a pure, self-luminous being. In the light of our inner luminosity, we experience both our essential nature and our eternal relationship with the Divine Being. Our feeling of loneliness vanishes forever. We are free from fear, doubt, anger and the sense of hopelessness. We are clear and confident. We are grateful for what we have and enthusiastic about achieving what we need to complete our quest.
Secret of the Yoga Sutra can be ordered at YogaInternational.com/Sutra until release in September 2014.
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