By Debi Buzil
I’m on my way to Las Vegas, an unlikely destination for this yogini. Yet here I am on the runway. My two brothers and I have a job to do: we are going to distribute my mother’s ashes. Her ivory urn has been at my house for some time, and I’ve held ambivalent and heavy feelings about keeping it there. Whenever I asked my brother Mark to take the gold-veined vessel, he had replied, “Hey, Deb, I gotta go!” He would take off, both of us laughing.
A plan has been put into action, but suddenly I can’t let the ashes go. What is this grasping, this obsessing?
My “yoga backpack,” filled with lessons learned through practice and study, comes to my rescue. Aparigraha–yes, that’s it! Patanjali’s fifth Yama, or “inner facet,” says I must stay on the path of acknowledging abundance to set my mind at ease. Sutra 2.39—“One who perseveres on the path of non-covetousness gains deep understanding of the meaning of life (aparigraha sthairye janma kathanta sambodhah).”
Why am I trying to hold on? What is it that I lost and for which I am grieving? Is it possible I’m holding on to something I no longer need? What do we hold close that we no longer need?
Aparigraha helps facilitate inner cleansing through letting go. By detoxifying the mind, you declutter your environment. Surrendering in this way is akin to cleaning out a computer hard drive. With a clean slate, it’s easier to recognize the perfection all around you and gain insights into your purpose.
Easier said than done, but there are many ways to practice non-grasping. The stillness of meditation settles the mind. You could also set a timer for 15 minutes and empty out a closet or clean out a drawer, purging the lingering apprehensions of needing something. Selfless service, or Seva, is yet another way to let go of clinging. Seva can help you develop a sense of gratitude for both inner and outer abundance.
With my yogic skills intact, I sit on the plane preparing for this adventure of the spirit. My mother, with her wild hair and untamed soul, left this world so unexpectedly, so abruptly and even tragically. Two years later, my brothers and I are still reeling with grief and disbelief. Challenging as it may be, I will let go of my mother’s ashes knowing she will not be with me any less. Putting aparigraha into practice will serve me well to keep her essence, not her ashes, close to my heart.
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